Job Guide
by Lady-Darkstreak
Summary: one shot. MxM. Matt wants to get a job, how does Mello take the news? written4fun


Matt had languidly spread him over the kitchen chair, the way he was sitting suggested he though he was on the couch rather than the little wooden seat but there was no one around who would argue the point. Matt was in fact looking at the Job Guide in the local newspaper and this didn't go unnoticed by Mello.

"Looking for a job Matt?" Mello rested his elbows on the back of the chair and looked over Matt's shoulder at the paper.

"We're almost broke Mels, a paying job isn't such a bad idea." Matt leaned his head back and gave Mello a quick kiss. "Morning." He mumbled.

Mello replied the greeting then said. "You don't need a job, you work for me."

"You don't pay me Mello. You don't get pay outs either anymore, maybe you should look for a job too."

"Meh, no one would hire me." Snuffed Mello.

"True that." Agreed Matt.

"Don't get a job Matt, just stay here." Mello pouted.

"Why?"

"Coz if you're not here then I'll get lonely." Mello wrapped his arms around Matt's neck, but standing behind Matt while hugging him wasn't the most comfortable position since Matt was so slouched and soon Mello would either have to kneel or sit in Matt's lap.

"You're hardly here during the day, I don't think you'll miss me that much." Matt argued.

Mello stood. "See this?" Mello ponied to his backside.

"What about it?" questioned Matt, eyebrow raised.

"Who do I give it too?" Mello asked seriously.

"Me?" Matt really wasn't sure where Mello was going with this.

"Exactly, and if you're not here when I need you then what am I going to do?" Mello looked dead serious.

Matt smiled and sat up in his chair. "Come here, Hun." He wrapped an arm around Mello's waist and made him sit on his lap. "Don't get upset Hun, it's just an idea."

Mello wouldn't look at Matt. "I'm not upset." He denied.

"I can tell Mels, you're clenching your jaw." Matt chided.

"Shows how much you know." Mello mumbled.

Matt nibbled on Mello's neck and made the blonde squirm. "Besides, think about what I could do. I could be a… Lifeguard. Just think about it, I'd have to spend all day in just a pair of shorts… getting wet… tanning…"

"Giving CPR to stupid bimbos who 'accidentally' drown in the shallow end." Mello stated. "Besides, I don't want strangers seeing your body. It's mine."

Matt sighed. "Okay, you pick something." Matt handed Mello the paper who read off the first thing he seen.

"Sales Rep."

"Sales? No way, I'd probably have to wear a suit. I hate suits."

"Have you ever worn a suit?" asked Mello, genuinely interested.

"Once, at L's funeral. I kept telling Rodger that L wouldn't want everyone to dress up like that but he still made me wear the damn suit."

"Okay, Sales Rep is out. How about…. Kitchen hand?"

"I can't cook for shit. I knows its edible science and all, but I still cant do it."

"You make me chocolate milk."

Matt huffed. "I bring you chocolate syrup and a glass of milk. And most of the time I end up drinking the milk."

"Good point." Mello agreed, and looked back at the paper. Mello started chuckling. "Childcare." He grinned.

Matt sighed and put his head back to rest on the chair back and stared at the ceiling. "Next." He monotoned.

Mello poked Matt in the throat that was beautifully exposed. "Fine. How about… Registered Nurse? You could do that."

"I could." Matt rubbed his throat. "But some might be so grateful that I helped them that they'll try to offer me 'sexual favours' and then I'll have to explain that I'm taken, which will mean that those people will become spiritually depressed and commit suicide."

They stared at each other for a moment. "You're so full of it." Said Mello.

"Yep." Matt smiled and took the paper from Mello. "… Phlebotomist? What the shit is that?"

"It's like pathology." Offered Mello.

Matt gave him a look. "Unlike you, I didn't study every book in Wammy's library. Explain a little would ya?"

"Studying diseases."

"Oh. Then no. Next…. Hair stylist! I could do that."

Mello laughed.

"What? You think I cant?"

Mello got off Matt's lap and went to the bathroom, returning with a comb and handing it to Matt. "Go on then, style my hair."

Matt took the comb and stood, offering Mello his chair who didn't hesitate to take it. "Now Darling, I want you to relax coz I'm going to make you so beautiful all the boys will be swooning over you, just swooning, Darling." Matt had changed his voice to a stereotypical gay hairdresser you see in movies, which made Mello laughed.

"So we is happy today Darling? Yes?" Matt asked, gathering Mello's hair with the comb. "That is good Darling. There are so many people around that just go through their lives without doing anything that makes them happy. But you are not one of those people Darling, I can tell. I said to myself, now there is a man who knows how to laugh. But that is why you come to me, because I make you beautiful with the hair styling. It is an art, Darling. A pure and beautiful art; that is what I do." Matt stepped away. "There, Darling. It is done." Matt went over to the kitchen bench where an odd shaped chunk of mirror was and brought the object to Mello.

Mello took it an inspected what matt had done. Matt had brought the sides of Mello's hair together at the back and plated it. It made Mello look extremely feminine. "Okay. I admit you have some skill."

"Damn right I do." Matt said in his own voice and sat down across from Mello. "I don't think it's my thing though, that voice makes me sound more gay than I am."

"Pity, you're good at it. Let's find something else then."

"I thought you didn't want me to get a job?" asked Matt playfully.

"I don't. But this is fun." Mello pointed out. He scanned the ads once more. "There's a lot of cleaning jobs."

"That's not so bad. Pottering around some office building wiping down a bench here and there. Plus I'd get to keep what I find." Matt was beginning to recline in the non-reclinable chair again. "Not to mention we could have sneaky sex in the supply closet." Matt winked.

"That would be pretty hot." Mello smirked. "You do know that you won't be able to smoke? And you'd have to clean out the nastiness in the bathrooms and because of that you fingers would go all pruney and sore and you wont be able to play your DS."

Matt looked at his hands as though he was trying to imagine then pruney. "Maybe not." He decided.

"Translator required for Greek to English." Mello read.

"That would be great if I could speak Greek."

"I though you could?"

Matt shook his head. "Nope. I can speak English, Japanese, Italian and a bit of Latin."

"Oh. Well who do I know who speaks Greek then?" Mello asked.

"Near. He can speak pretty much every major language in the world." Matt answered while trying to reach an itch on his shoulder blade.

"Basted." Muttered Mello.

Matt lent over the table and grabbed the paper. "Just think of him as a little shrivelled sheep on a piece of wood drifting in shark infested waters, and imagine him bleeding."

Mello's face instantly became that of a child during Christmas. "Bull sharks?"

"And tiger sharks, with a Great White leading them." Matt added.

"… Nice."

"Okay, Mels. A dog sitter for Pomeranian, must be able to stay indoors with air-con." Matt read aloud.

Mello snapped out of his daydream. "Pomeranian? Those little fluffy things? Forget it, I hate those things. Besides, all dogs belong outside. Next."

"Next would be… Delivery Driver."

Mello snorted. "Hell no. The uniforms are terrible and you get bossed around by a fat guy on a forklift."

"Okay, okay. No delivery boy. Last one is… ah! Computer Technician!"

"Sounds perfect, let me see." Mello stood and Matt handed over the paper. "You'll work in a team… computer repairs…" Mello was slowing making his way to the sink as he spoke. "Knowledge of Microsoft Windows…. Salary negotiated based on experience. Sounds good, you'd be the highest paid there."

"That's me, the only person in the world who could hack into L's data base." Matt exclaimed proudly. "Repairs would be nothing, it'd be like being paid to read a kids book."

Mello lent back against the sink. "Yeah…" Mello suddenly threw the paper out the open window above the sink and onto the street five stories bellow. By the time it hit the ground all the pages had separated and most landed in the puddles of last nights rain. "Oops."

Matt stood, sighed and hung his head. "You really don't want me to get a job, do you?"

"What is that a trick question?" Mello stalked over to Matt. "I told you, you work for me." He walked behind Matt and jumped onto his redhead's back. "Bedroom, Bitch. I got a hankering for some hot loving!"

Matt laughed and shifted the lightweight blonde to a better position. "Yes Sir."

The end


End file.
